Monday, September 17, 2012

Searching for support (again)

I did not embark on this mission unarmed. I had the tag of what was proclaimed to be the finest fitting and most comfortable bra in the land, a Kohls 30% off coupon, and a good friend. Aside from a measuring tape and the secret algebraic formula for what the numbers and letters really mean (which said good friend actually explained on the way), what else could I possibly have needed? Besides a flask.

Two years ago, it was nearly impossible to find my, alleged freak of nature, size in any typical store. Well, women of the world must've united to take a stand against regular sized boobs on correctly proportioned bodies. Now there are TONS of seemingly fabulous choices in my size...oh, but they don't fit. 
Finest bra in the land, and super comfy, until all five sizes I tried. I am almost over it...almost.

Sure this one gave me an attitude, but did nothing for my ego.

I used to wonder why the pretty patterns were never on the fuller sized bras. Today I realized that those lovely designs turn a little ugly in larger swatches.

I did get frustrated, but not quite hopping mad, so this was not necessary.

I just needed to chill out. This bra would also have been perfect, if I was prone to running into walls, with its impact level 2 rating.

I was not, in fact working it, with eleven of the thirteen bras I tried on. This one seemed to be made of some sort of scuba suit fabric. Fabulous, and French...oh la la.

It was hard to remain focused on the cups without my mind wandering to tea...and muffins...mmm...muffins...good muffins...HENCE THE BAD MUFFINS!

Um, so yeah...I am sorry for the person whose ass is this close to her shoulders.

This was like the superhero section for undergarments. Nobody messes with Cheeky Control! Look how she shoots rays from her fanny!

Ladies, please just remember...

I did not come home empty handed, but fully expect to suffer some sort of wardrobe malfunction, when the strap flying frenzy of the dressing room is gone, and I am left alone...with the girls.


  1. OMG!!! I am laughing with you, of course. I go through the same trauma, but I never think to bring a camera!

    1. I was just in fear that said dear friend was gong to get her camera out!

  2. Replies
    1. Thank you. Would you like to play me in the made for tv version? It would be so cool to accept the emmy together!

    2. I can't help but wonder if it's just coincedence that you were partial to the "Lily" offerings. ;)

    3. I'm working on my speech now!

  3. I have similar thoughts when bra shopping. I hate it. Why don't they make cute bras in bigger sizes?

  4. Headlights are for cars....that's pure awesome!!!!

  5. This completely freaks me size 2 daughter (the one in college) is a 30 F. Yep, that was not a typo....30. F. :/ Her bras are ridiculously expensive!!! Gah!!!!

    I am like a veteran with PTSD when it comes to bra shopping!!! I am traumatized, I tell ya!!! I am a much more reasonable 36 C.....

  6. OMG, bra shopping is the worst! (Next to bathing suit shopping.) I did find my perfect bra a few years ago...Champion brand underwire, it's a sports bra, but great for everyday. I have 6 of them, exactly the same. If they ever stop making it, I'm in trouble!