Friday, March 27, 2015

Week 39 - Snacking is fine!

I looked around and haven't seen the competition, but in the event that she is planning some sort of point tallying, contest busting portfolio, I shall keep going. Sometimes it is difficult to get motivated without a snack, would you agree? Have you tried Snapea Crisps?

Dear Snapeas in a Pod,

My daughter and I are huge fans of your Snapea Crisps. I could not win her over to the black pepper variety, but that just means we each get our own bag, and I don’t have to share.

I appreciate any snack that does not leave me full of shame if I go over the serving size, or even eat the whole bag. (This is not to say that I eat a whole bag at one sitting, but if I did…)

Every time I reach in the cupboard for your crisps, I am comforted by the nutritional benefits, and baffled by how they come to be. I find myself looking over the ingredient list, curiosity peaking. Is a Snapea what happens to peas in the way that corn becomes a tortilla chip? The reality is that I do not need to know. They are yummy. Case closed.

I see you have Lentil Snaps now. This is exciting and intriguing news!

Happily snacking,

I did not hear back from the magical mystery folks who make Snapea Crisps, but we continue to enjoy their product just the same!

Current point total remains at 77

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Sprucing up the random

Something was bugging me the other day, but I can't remember what it was. Hmmm, I know I didn't want to exaggerate the problem. Oh wait, here it is...
Ugly bugly! When the ruler proved an unworthy opponent to measure this speedy guy with, I used it to fling him outside.

Speaking of outside, look who busted out of his pit! (Not sure what that apparent green life form is inside the pit, but it has been covered and revealed a couple more times in the few days since this photo was taken.)

Let's talk some more about what is going on inside this house, shall we? Despite remembering a bit of French from the many years I took, and the English being right there on the package, it still just cracked me up.

**Warning, story ahead** Funny thing about translations and words in different languages. I recall Madame Boop, my tenth grade French teacher from France, telling us about a time when she intended to tell her neighbor not to shower her with the garden hose he was using, but instead she told him "Don't douche me!"

Back to the house that is not where HGTV is shooting its next show...
See that color on the right? It's gone now and the blue has taken over our living room and dining room. I love it! 

I have spent the past week and half working to make the house look better, in the event that sunshine actually does keep shining in the windows, or we are cooped up in here for another season. However, it seems the better the house looks, the worse I look. So today, as I was waiting for my son, I looked in the car's rearview mirror to assess what might need sprucing up...
…maybe not wearing sunglasses being held together with packaging tape would be a start in the right direction. A splash of color that isn't gray around the frame of my face would help as well…ugh! 

Maybe just some ice cream would help...
I love how instead of saying "made with real vanilla bean" this one has been "dusted with vanilla bean specks". I don't know how you dust ice cream, but it is delicious!

Now hold up a minute, let's just stop right here...
…because this ad creeps me out too much to continue! Maybe the Hamburger Helper guy can high-five him into oblivion!

Stacy Uncorked

Friday, March 20, 2015

Week 38 - Feeling great*!

*Feeling "great" might be an overstatement as I actually feel about ninety years old after painting today.

"Does anybody really know what time it is? Does anybody really care...about time?" As a matter of fact, I do! Especially when I am wearing a Swatch watch.

February 26, 2015

Dear Swatch Watchers,

The year was 1985, and I was in the throes of celebrating my sixteenth birthday. I was resigned to being a couple of years past an unsuccessful quest for coolness. I was tired of chasing after hip clothes and shoes with price tags and styles I wasn’t particularly fond of. One of my presents that year was this funky time telling device…The McGregor. I hadn’t seen anything like it on anybody else’s wrist. I should probably say that I just hadn’t noticed because once I wore my new Swatch to school, I realized how many other people were sporting their own unique Swatch flair. Dare I say, it was cool?

Study halls and lunch time were when trades took place, Swatch guards were adjusted, bands were swapped with that nifty little tool. (Oh, how I hope someone old enough to remember those days is reading this letter. If not, please pass me on to the dinosaur department. I was going to say Fossil department, but obviously that was a completely different decade and company for me – no offense.) Some girls wore team jackets or football jerseys, but for a brief time, I had someone else’s Swatch.

For sentimental reasons, the remains of my first Swatch are in a frequently opened drawer. I remember it had one green and one red band. The primary colors and large size were great, but it didn’t take long for me to diversify, and the Pink Flamingo was added. The Tutti Frutti soon followed. Those designs all carried me into the nineties, where I added Grune-Lui to my collection.

Time, and the telling of it, went on. I became a wife and a mom, but always felt nostalgic whenever I passed a Swatch display or store. In the mid-2000’s, I ran into the store at Grand Central Station and treated myself to the playful Hang On Tight. It quickly became quite a conversation piece. Recognizing my love for these relics of my youth, my sister gave me Sliding Waves for my fortieth birthday.

I think I am about due for a new classic. Another decade, another Swatch! Decisions, decisions…

Blogger, Swatcher

Did Swatch give me the time of day? They did indeed! I was so excited to rip open that big envelope, as I was fairly optimistic that there was something Swatchtastic inside. Had they found the lost tomb of Swatch guards? Maybe a t-shirt?
OK, you see the catalog. Full of awesome. But what about that other padded envelope? Oh. My. Suspense. I turned the envelope over, glanced at the letter and, SPOILER ALERT!
They wrote "Swatch pen" right on it! Go ahead though...gaze upon the glory that is my new Swatch pen. Sadly, it does not tell time, but it is merchandise worth five points!

Current point total   71 + 5 = 77 points

If anyone sees the competition, tell her I miss her...and that I am winning (finally)!

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Lightening the load

My house started to feel so heavy. Maybe it had something to do with the inches of snow and ice weighing on the roof, but just walking into the place that was supposed to feel safe and warm felt exhausting. It was as if the moment I stepped in the door, I was a magnet for all that needed to be done...ever. There was no priority seating, nothing took a number, everything just flung itself at me at once, including the not so adorable dust bunnies that clung on to my ankles for dear life. (They can be heavier than you'd think.) I would be out in the arctic breeze thinking about all of the fantastic things I could accomplish upon my return home, but my couch was plotting against me and swallowed me whole if I dared to walk too close. Sometimes I could temporarily keep the upholstery at bay if I wielded the vacuum cleaner wand.

The thoughts about all of the changes coming this year with our son graduating and our daughter hurling herself even farther into teendom were rather oppressive. Mostly though, it was the much stuff. It just felt so heavy, as if I had to actually carry the contents of this place on my back when I was here. "There goes mom with that Santa super-sized bag of tchochkes (I have to google the spelling of that word every time I try to use it.) slung over her shoulder. That might be her only exercise today, so let's not interfere or help her with it." My go to junk drawer projects had already been dealt with, so I was in a sort of panic looking for the next place to organize in order to restore order. No project to small, but all projects too big!

I started to pick battles with the wrong opponents, first by attempting to wage a war on our home office. You wouldn't think finding a new desk and bookcases would prove to be so difficult, and maybe it isn't if you don't care if they actually fit in the space you have available. I had to let that project go because it was making me far more miserable than the status of the office as it was. I decluttered and moved on with my life. As my daughter tells people though "The whole family felt her pain during that time." (I think it was a week.) Or there was the time when I almost repainted my bedroom that is already a color I like. I just thought maybe it needed a sprucing up, when in reality, the room was just another massive declutterfication subject. Luckily, I noticed just in time that it was the master bathroom color I despised. The fresh coat of paint initially filled me with glee, until it highlighted another issue. We had a baker's rack in our bathroom because that is where it fit fourteen years ago when we moved in. Yes, our bathroom was big enough for the shelving that did not fit in our kitchen. I had these visions of putting all sorts of plants, and maybe some candles, on it for my jet tub sanctuary. Yeah, so the tub doesn't work anymore as far as I know and those wire shelves are where sickly plants went for treatment or simply to die. Where better to hide unattractive greenery than the master bathroom, as who was ever going in there? Me. I was going in there multiple times a day, trying to balance the weight of the clutter and poor taste with my graying reflection in the ginormous mirror. Suffice to say, the baker's rack made its way to the basement where it now is a very classy piece of furniture that has been crapified with whatever debris I immediately flung on it. 

Things were lightening up a bit. I asked my mother for some help with the living room and dining room, as far as figuring out why on earth it looked like the rooms had too much stuff in them. The answer may surprise you - the rooms had too much damn stuff in them. I was flinging things off the walls without my usual whimpering over my alleged treasures. After all, it was less for me to "carry". Once I could see the walls better, I had to face the fact that the room really needed a second coat of paint (when we painted it over ten years ago), but the glitch was that I did not like the color nearly enough to buy another gallon. Enter more paint swatches!

It is getting lighter in here. There is still some memorabilia to be sorted out. I feel like some of the art projects stopped celebrating my kids' accomplishments because they are now capable of more than what their small hands could shape out of clay. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of reminders of the nearly eighteen years I have been at this mom gig. I am merely lifting the weight of trying to hang on to every single one, possibly lessening my ability to carry all of the new awesome that is to come. (Make no mistake, several treasures were simply relocated.) I am about to send my son's college deposit. That somehow lightens more than the checking account, as it is a sign of forward progress instead of simply being weighed down by the process.

Last night I cleared a path in the hallway we use every single day to get in and out of the house. The test of balance and dexterity the overflowing shoes and other odds and ends provided was getting old. There are bags of things to be donated, including bags. So. Much. Lighter. 

I have been wanting to write a post about the heaviness of my house for a month or so now. I make no claims about this being my finest work, but SO MUCH LIGHTER! 

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

A wee bit o' the random

Happy St. Patrick's Day!
(Trying to make use of the snow. I fear I am going to be drawing easter bunnies on it as well!)

I knew this day was coming when I saw the "green" frosting at Wegman's.
Seriously? I almost asked them what the hell was going on with their food coloring (the potpourri of sprinkles didn't make much sense either though, truth be told), but I like to think I have better things to worry about! 

I mean, I could be out correcting people's spelling instead.

Or I could curl up on the couch to wait until it's time to throw my reuben in the pan! Yes, I think I'll go with that!

Stacy Uncorked

Friday, March 13, 2015

And the winner is...

We interrupt the usual Friday contest post to update you on the book giveaway contest!

The following video shows the highly scientific method used to select the winner. It apparently also serves as evidence as to what a mess my desk away from desk is, why I do not have a show on HGTV,   why Fozzie does not have a show on Animal Planet, and why it is important to have qualified camera operators. Without further ado, here is the winner (scroll down if you can't wait the seventy-one seconds)…

Congratulations JoJo
Email me at 
so we can get your book out to you!

Thanks to everyone who participated and congratulations to Keija on a phenomenal read!

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Random random random*

*because the lack of a catchy title was holding up progress

We broke out of the deep freeze yesterday!

I have already indicated my concern over the word choice in the #recycleyourperiodpad extravaganza, but this ad campaign does not impress me much more.
Thanks to the Monkey in the Field for this gem
Don't get me wrong, I realize that my teenage son may be amused by the notion of dropping his pants for "underwareness", but I am pretty sure he is not the target audience. I also sort of appreciate the attempt at humor, but let's face it, is anybody really finding a loss of their bladder control amusing?

Let's ask this little guy...
I passed this little elf on a shelf at my great aunt's house earlier today. I found myself offended on his behalf by what the Elf on a Shelf empire has become. I suppose you could say he is a tiny bit creepy….NO…WAIT….that word is reserved for………..
Creepy baby monkeys! Finally, FINALLY, a moderately priced creepy monkey that is also a toy!!! No more of that "this is a fine collectible" b.s. I am going to leave it up to you to decide if the question is a) Did she buy it? or b) How many did she buy?

Today is the day that The Unraveling of Mercy Louis is being released! Let's make today the final day to enter the drawing to win a copy.

Stacy Uncorked