Saturday, May 18, 2013

Honest isn't always pretty

Sometimes I take comfort in the fact that my computer keyboard can act as a filter that only lets a certain amount of my crazy make it to your screen. Then there are other times when I am so preoccupied that I just hide in the corner, but sometimes I get lonely there and have to come out. (I get hungry too and have to search out snacks.) At the end of the day though, there is really no reason to be here unless I am going to be honest. There is a chance that my honesty may amuse you, which is fantastic. There is also a small possibility that the truth in my tales will bring a split second of awkwardness, as you identify with my plight, followed by a rush of relief as you realize that you are not alone in your lot as a worrier, which is also great. (My only hope is that I do not give you new things to be unsettled about.)

Current setting: Fifty hours into my thirteen year old daughter's trip to DC with student council at school. This means I have been worrying for well over fifty hours. I have about six more to go.

As I prepared my mind for this journey, I got some preliminary apprehension regarding actual road safety out of the way. I don't really like to get bogged down with uneasiness about obvious things though. I started to move through other topics like packing the right clothing to maximize her comfort, but I knew I could dig deeper. I spent some quality time concerning myself with the very real potential for girl drama and hurt feelings during the trip. I also devoted a few minutes here and there to wonder whether or not my daughter would get enough sleep.

The actual departure date brought a bit more distress as the reality of the situation solidified. It was much better for me to discuss things like sunscreen with my daughter, in an attempt to conceal how fast my mind was starting to spin. She actually seemed to think that  a little SPF wasn't a bad idea, or is more intuitive than I realized and was afraid there might be worse battles ahead. When I saw the duffle bag full of snacks her friend was bringing, I kept my mouth shut about trying not to get a stomach ache. I also maintained silence about how knowing they would eat food while unsupervised in the hotel room got my choking paranoia senses tingling.

I did not shed a tear at the departure, and my only extra gesture was a tug on her pony tail to say good-bye again.

What if I didn't send her with enough money, or what if she loses the money she has? Why can't I have more faith in her being a responsible person? What if she doesn't have fun? What if she gets a headache? (OK, maybe I gave some Advil to the chaperone just in case...and I know for a fact I was not the only one to do so.) Why is there so much walking on the itinerary? What if there are shenanigans and somebody falls off a bed? What if they don't sleep well, and then have to do all of that walking? Upon arriving back home after the drop off and seeing all of her essential pillows and stuffed animals for a proper night's sleep, well, you know what that made me ponder once again.

Just to sort of sum things up, here are some texts from Thursday morning...
I had actually packed some of her snacks in a plastic bag, so this was not just a random reminder. What? Not the point?
In my defense, I could not recall actually ever having a conversation with my daughter about not putting shopping bags over her head. Oh, who am I kidding? I am just grateful for friends who check on me!
(oops, that should've been "choking", but maybe "cholking is something else I should consider)
I try to tell myself that no matter how ridiculous the crazy train running through my mind gets, the important thing is that I let her go at all. Gosh I hope she had fun...(and slept, and isn't sunburnt, and...)

16 comments:

  1. I smiled all the way through this but only because I can relate. You should hear the stuff I'm thinking when Mom is at her adult day program. I'm sure your daughter had a great time, without having to play with plastic bags! Just relax

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  2. I say drink hard liquor through a straw until she returns home. I got a BAD sunburn today. I'm about to throw up!

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  3. I agree with the above re: drinking. I find that I worry much less about well, EVERYTHING, when I've had a few glasses of wine. Drinking therapy for the win! :)

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  4. This reminded me of the panic-filled paranoic (is that a word?) gasping for breath leap out of bed attack I had the first time my girls (and I) slept an entire night when they were newborns whew!!! I remember rushing in and shaking them awake just to make sure they were still breathing!!! Wait,I still do that. Uh oh,sorry. I think I just gave you something else to worry about!

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  5. When I think back on all those school trips I took as a kid and all the shenanigans that went on, it was a wonder that we survived at all! But, we did and Lily will too. And she probably won't tell you the half of it. That is okay too, because a girl needs her secrets. Just know that she will be fine and love you for letting her have a little adventure.

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  6. ^I agree with Ricki Jill. Drinking liquor through a straw is pretty much the answer to everything.

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  7. You sound more like my husband than me. He's the worrier at our house. I tend to believe everything will be fine and no news is good news. And if a little worry starts to creep in, I pray about it and try to leave it with God.
    Life & Faith in Caneyhead

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  8. Let me guess: 8th grader? My 7th grader is going on a trip to DC at the end of his 8th grade year. Should I get a head start on my worrying? Probably. Thanks for the heads up ;-)
    At least I don't have to worry about girl drama. At least I don't think so since he has yet to realize the other advantages of girls besides making good math partners...sigh.
    Tina @ Life is Good
    P.S Stop by tomorrow. You've been tagged!

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  9. DC is a great place! Your daughter will walk all those miles and be too tired for shenanigans.

    Also, all of your crazy? That's what I went through the first six weeks of dropping Zane off at school. So Your crazy is perfectly normal to me!

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  10. What if she eats the sunscreen by accident?!?!

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  11. So yes ... it seems a slight bit of paranoia may be leaking through into the ether. I suggest shopping, watching a good movie, or large quantities of chocolate. :-)

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  12. Before Spawn went away for a 7 day trip to Paris, I couldn't wait to see the back of him. All his things were packed a week in advanced, money changed and sorted and all necessary checks put into place. As soon as the coach taking them to the Euro tunnel roared off, I blubbed like a baby and continued to do so for around 24 hours. When he came back, I was so happy to see him...for about 2 hours and the usual routine of shouting, arguing and sighing loudly, kicked in...ah, good times. :)

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  13. Oh, girlfriend, I am so glad you let us see your crazy. You are not alone! My little one wanted to go on a school DC trip next year. She will be not-quite-12 then. Believe me, I felt a lot of your worry! Luckily for me, her friends can't go so she changed her mind. Hope your daughter has a blast on her trip! Bet you can't wait to give her an extra long hug. xo

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  14. The hardest thing with kids I think is letting them go, you know, without going pell mell crazy and hanging on to their ankle and getting drug along behind them. I'm right there with you.

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  15. Don't laugh at me!!!! How do I sign up to have your
    Blog sent to me? I don't completely understand the "BLOG"

    help:)

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  16. You are a good mom. I'll probably be sending my boys off to the military at 15 with forged birth certificates.

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