Age of Wisdom

In these scary and uncertain times, it is not my intent to poke fun at fellow humans who are either just trying to get through the day, or do their jobs...unless it's funny. In such cases I will still try to be kind, but then call my mom with the news of the day and then come here to hopefully share a laugh with you.

First up we have the conversation I overheard walking out of the little grocery store nearby. A woman was complaining to her friend about the limits places are putting on items. Apparently she buys seven gallons of milk at a time because that is how much her family drinks each week. The voices in my head told me to just keep walking and not say anything about needing to know how many people were in her family, how big her refrigerator was, or really any other commentary...but that didn't stop me from thinking about her and her beverage struggle for the rest of the day.

Next up, we have a minor mishap that occurred while we were packing up my daughter's things from her dorm room. Once we had returned home and started the arduous task of trying to find places to store everything, my daughter noticed one bin in particular. She informed me that the shower curtain, that was in fact ours, was still equipped with shower hooks, that belonged to the school. "Who cares?" was my initial thought, but "Oh my gosh! How much will they charge the rest of the suite mates for that $5 item?!" quickly followed.

I thought back to the time I had to call about the dryer in my son's apartment after it had been broken for four weeks, with numerous attempts by his apartment mates to get it taken care of. I remembered my relief that a woman who sounded my age answered the phone, because that fellow mom understood my plea, and how the rent we paid did not warrant shelling out additional funds for four guys to pay for laundromat services. She even waived some nominal mystery fee from our account. Certainly I would have similar luck in calling my daughter' school's resident life office!

The voice that answered the phone was full of enthusiasm...and youth. I told her of my mistake, and asked if I needed to mail the shower hooks back to avoid the girls being charged. She sounded super jazzed to let me know where I needed to send them back to. I tried to match her level while confirming that she would make a note to not bill four students for a dozen hooks. I admit that part of me was thinking that if we both repeated the information enough times, she would suddenly appreciate how ridiculous it was. Again, in these already stressful times, I did not want to rain on her parade by asking if over $5,000 in room and board charges each semester wouldn't cover some new hooks (pretty sure we arrived in August with a set, not realizing that perk), nor by requesting to speak with an older adult. 

The postage was $3.90, but in addition to clearing our names, I got this swell story.

Lastly, I realized I needed to take my mood outside for a walk in the seventy degree temperatures yesterday. I was on the phone with a friend who lives about fifteen miles east who was also out walking. He warned me when some raindrops swept in over his way, but apparently I have zero sense of how fast weather moves. I did not take the turn that would have gotten me home quicker because of my poor planning. He said the rain lasted thirty seconds by him as I was barreling along, head down, through some rather aggressive precipitation. Five minutes in, and I was just getting more soaked and windblown. Right after I almost took myself out with the hood of a car I didn't see parked on the side of the road, due to the whole head down strategy, a woman driving by did ask if I anted a ride somewhere. I did not want to disrupt her social distancing by getting in the car (and realized later she probably thought I was afraid of her car germs), and also, how much longer could it really rain? 

When I got within a few houses from home, I saw my husband standing on our porch. Not with car keys in hand, ready to come get me, but just watching. Yup, this is one of the folks I am cooped up with.

Remember that time...

...I thought I might be Irish? My mother and I went to the Irish Festival to celebrate the possibility while we waited for my grandmother's ancestry test results to come back. (Oooh, a link!)

The Blonde Guinness was delightful, as I recall, and I definitely seemed to be among people who shared similar beliefs to my own...

My grandmother's results came in with no big surprises. (Go ahead, click another link, where else do you have to go?) Once I had recovered from the whole business of collecting saliva, my mother figured it was time to get me a kit of my very own. What stuff was I made of? (What personality traits could I explain away in addition to my Italian temper?!) Of course the luck of the Irish would show up for me. I mean, it did make me cringe any time my grandmother would say "boiled dinner", but I also enjoyed reubens and Bailey's.

Drumroll please...

Bonjour, would you like some crepes? Oui...

...but where's my leprechaun?! This seems like perhaps a case of Ancestry (mine) versus 23 and Me (hers) and geographical term technicalities. 

Suffice to say, I still wore green today, right down to my Oscar the Grouch socks!

Crumb

A very wise cool kid suggested that it might be a nice idea for some of us slacker bloggers to blow the cookie crumbs off of our keyboards and post something again. I think the notion was that there is enough scary shit out there right now on the internet, and maybe just a few more stories about nothing in particular might be a decent distraction. Since I am nothing if not a people, or in this case possibly one person, pleaser...here we go!

Let's talk about baked goods, shall we? My daughter and I made sure to purchase some extra butter in case we wanted to make cookies, as we were watching other people crowd around the toilet paper and cleaning supplies. There is nothing quite like a warm chocolate chip cookie to make you feel like things are right in the world, for at least the time it takes you to chew. I do realize that is a lot to ask of brown sugar and flour, but I am hoping it works when we need it. 

I would like to step outside the realm of homemade to talk about a simple white box from a simpler time. Entenmann's. I admit that one of my favorite things to see on the kitchen table at my grandparents' house when I went to visit was the Entenmann's crumb cake. (Here is another post about their kitchen table-complete with more links and photos!) The color of the crumb topping didn't make complete sense, but my gosh I loved that stuff. You could just keep chipping away small pieces, hoping nobody noticed. Actual decades had gone by, yet I could still conjure the taste of that perfect sweet treat for the kid who didn't like frosting.

I have obviously passed by the white boxes with the blue letters numerous times over the years. I am always filled with nostalgia and smile at the memory of my grandparents. I manage to resist adding a box to my cart, as I convince myself that nine inch cake is no more a single serving size for a grown adult than it was for a seven year old child. Maybe my family would enjoy sharing, but maybe I didn't want to take the chance that the crumb cake would be underappreciated. 

Longing for my younger days has been making the walk past those boxes more difficult. My mother and I pondered whether the crumb cake would freeze well, suggesting I would have the discipline to cut single serve portions, package and find them a place of honor in the freezer. Then there was this...

...and I was confounded. Would something be lost without the foil pan, or ability to select my own portion size? Would the taste not match my memory and be disappointing like every sip of Coke or Pepsi I have had over the past twenty years? I left the store without, and soothed myself with whatever emergency miniature candy bar was in the bottom of my purse. I told my mother about my finding, and the look on her face told me what I guess I already knew...they must be mine.

And so on our mission to buy some actual food to make a few dinners, I looked at the conveyor belt and noticed that nothing made me happy nor brought any sense of comfort. I quickly ran to the aisle where I had seen the box, shrugged off the price, and raced back to complete my order. I put that box on my kitchen table, smiling every time I passed by. I let it sit there for nearly 24 hours before I finally had to know.

The crumb topping looked to be a little thinner, but that could also be the mind of a child playing tricks on me.  I did almost have to get a knife, just to relive the joy of cutting myself a piece, but opted for just breaking it. It tasted just as I expected it would. Kudos to you Entenmann's for not messing with something that was fine just the way it was, allowing me to savor a very sweet bite of nostalgia.

Rings and things

What are all of these crickets doing here? Oh dear, are they stuck in the cobwebs? No matter, we can share the space just the same. The following story wants to be here so that I can always remember it. You know how you always think "Oh, I could never forget this", and then life happens with a series of other things you are destined to remember, and eventually all of the words to the Glass Houses album are safely secured in your brain forcing some of those other once important things aside. I am happy that you are here with me...all five of you (yes, that might be an exaggeration at this point).

Today already had a lot going for it just by not being a Monday. I knew that my trip up to visit my grandmother was far from the sweet spot of bringing her down to the kitchen for lunch. Most likely I was going to arrive in prime napping time, and had no real goals beyond saying a quick hello. As I turned the corner, I saw some of my favorite "friends" gathered in one of the more homey seating areas. Wait! There was my grandmother sitting there with what one could call "the cool kids". She excitedly shouted my name and waved to me, scooching over to make room on the couch. I greeted everyone and sat down.

My grandmother was concerned about something, but it took me a few tries to get what the issue was. She was very concerned that her rings were not going to be ready in time for her trip home to Tupper Lake tomorrow. I went through the usual motions of scripts to ease her mind. Nell, one of the activity directors was nearby and offered her support as well. Apparently my grandmother was planning to get married tomorrow (hence the rings), and she was feeling that last minute stress that many brides feel. We talked about how the weather might not cooperate for her trip, but certainly everything would be fine. The woman sitting next to her was very concerned about catching her bus and expressed her annoyance that her husband (who I believe is no longer with us) hung around when she didn't want him to, but hadn't shown up today when she did want him. Nell and I offered reassurance to both situations, while exchanging knowing glances and smiles.

I got to visit with some of the other more conversational women about nothing in particular, just chit chat. It was lovely. Nell was painting some flowers on columns in the seating area that look simply incredible and add such cheer, as well as being fun to talk about. My grandmother was still bringing up her concerns about the rings, and where the rest of my clothes for the big day were, and continued to do so for almost a half hour. Somewhere along the line I found out that she hadn't napped at all yet, which is incredibly rare. I wondered if it was adding to her mild agitation. Despite saying she was tired, my grandmother would not accept my offer to bring her in for a nap. She was easy to convince that everything was going to be fine, and the rings would for sure be ready. The problem of course is that thirty seconds later, she would forget that I told her the rings would be ready. She asked me if weddings were always like this. I told her that it really is a lot to do, but it comes together.

I asked her who she was marrying, hoping with all of my heart to be treated to some anecdote about my late grandfather. However, she did not know who she was marrying (which seemed far more concerning to me than whether the rings would be ready, but I kept my mouth shut). We just kept going around, but what did it matter? I was in good company, feeling the warmth of the eighty degree thermostat as well as these additional lovely women who all were willing to share their smiles despite never remembering who I am. I asked one of my favorite little ladies where she was going at one point and she said "to find you" and came over to give me a little side hug. In the grand scheme of the best I could hope for in the situation we have found ourselves in, I was pretty sure this was it. And then...I smelled the freshly baked cookies. Next thing I knew, Margaret (another activity director) was coming through with her cart offering tea and cookies. Suddenly nobody was worried about catching buses or rings being ready thanks to the delicious distraction.

The next time my grandmother told me how tired she was, she was more accepting of the idea of going to lay down for a bit. As we walked to her room, she stopped and looked down at her pants. She said she was ashamed to wear that outfit to the wedding, but I assured her that her other outfit would be ready tomorrow as well. As I tucked her in, she asked me if everything was going to be ok. I responded "Yes, everything will be fine." I talked to the remarkable aides who would be caring for her for the rest of the afternoon and well into the evening, making sure they knew about the rings and wedding. "Everyone will make sure everything is fine."

Fernds

I had this friend, Fern. We liked to hang out in the shade together, as we both get a bit wilted and burnt in the afternoon sun. I tried to support Fern's notion of the more being merrier, but she did not respect my vision of everything having its place. She worked fiercely in her secret underground to build a network of roots to support her random offspring. I was lured in several times by those adorable little wound up curls, just waiting to fling themselves open with the same misguided enthusiasm as a party blower.

This year I tried harder to keep the invasion at bay. By that, I mean that I ripped out many a wandering juvenile threatening to dwarf or strangle my other perennial friends. They got the hint...or so I thought

Really, Fern? I can't even say I was mad though to be honest. I admired her strength. She hit a wall, for the most part, and persevered. It was unnecessary for her to invite friends...

...but who was I to judge such tenacity? My trips to and from the car started to alternate between varying levels of fascination, annoyance and concern for the security of our driveway.

I don't know if the people my husband hired to seal out driveway sat in a circle around Fern, having their own "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn" moment; or whether she was plucked from her spot and flung aside without even a second thought.

I donut random

Once again, it's been a minute. I thought I would give you some time to reflect on life and some of its great mysteries, like...

...why, indeed? (And now we don't need to discuss how my glamorous customer service job is going, since I am obviously killing it.)

I feel you apples, I feel you! (Figuratively, of course.)

Were Bugles struggling for a niche market? Was being delicious just not enough? Are we sure olives are really in second place? 

Now you know I loves me some baked goods...

...but I prefer not to be intimidated when trying to purchase them...

...that's more like it! And speaking of donuts...

...and apple fritters! And bagels?!

Nope, that is a few days old donut that I toasted up. To infinity and beyond, indeed! Pancakes don't sound like autumn to you?

Try harder then! Binge!!!

This is downtown Syracuse and one of the sets for the movie, Binge. Kind of cool!

Fancy!

Looks like it is going to be some party

Oh, that reminds me that I ought to give you an update on Amandequin...she's been trying to find her way to fall fun as well!

She fell victim to some unfortunate cropping when we went apple picking...

...but you can check her out in her entirety on her instagram @Amandequin6

It's in the answer

I have been holding onto this gem since July. I guess I was struggling with exactly what I wanted to say, or how to frame it. For a period of time I found myself getting slightly agitated when people on the fringe of my small inner circle asked how my grandmother was. How was I supposed to answer that question? Most often I would just respond that she was "fine," but that didn't really seem fair to either my grandmother or myself. It also wasn't necessarily fair to blame the person for asking. Eventually I came around to accept that my discomfort at answering someone's question did not mean that the inquiry was flawed.

How is my grandmother? Well for starters, much of the time she is not my grandmother. For those of you who have met dementia, this probably resonates, but for anyone else, I would like to explain. I am not going to spend a lot of time talking about the long goodbye that has taken place, because that is sad, goes without saying, and not my point. When we show up to visit, the best we hope for is that she seems content and comfortable. There are still sparks of my grandmother's personality that come through from time to time. I do still feel her love, whether it is in the smile as she recognizes me or when she rubs my arm or puts her head on my shoulder. When she complains about the look on a fellow resident's face or offers other critiques, I know she's still holding on to pieces of herself. She still manages to teach me things, like finding a patience I never knew I had. The time we spend together is very different than it was, but still has its bright spots. Sometimes I don't recognize them right away.

My grandmother had just commented on how I should get married. I told her I was married. She asked how old I was, and when I responded "49," she said "That's older than me," and I thought maybe what followed would be worth recording. I think this may best answer the question, "How's your grandmother?"