It's fine. I'm fine. Everything is fine.

"How are you?" You've asked that more times than you can count, with varying levels of concern about the answer. How many times a day, when you've actually braved leaving the house, are you asked the same? 

I'm not sure if we should count the number of times someone says "What's up?" and we answer "Good!" Often I find myself on a slight delay with my response as I spin the wheel of current situations I'm in, despite knowing full well that I am going to say something positive, or at the very least a positive adjacent, despite sarcastic, "Living the dream!"

This is not to suggest that I am embarking on a campaign to stop friendly banter. Instead, this is a warning that I'm about to tell you how, and maybe even why and what, I am.

HOW? I'm trying! Or wait, is that WHAT I'm doing? In the grand scheme of things, I'm good. I guess I am a few other things too - warm, anxious, tired and more likely than not, hungry.

WHAT? I am trying. Trying to do the things ... taking the walks, drinking the water, eating the protein, talking to whatever poor souls are within earshot, volunteering and spending time with the people who bring me joy. I am also cheerleading as the self-appointed one woman pep squad in this house. It seemed like we needed one and I saw no other names on the sign-up sheet. 

I take this role seriously. My main objectives for the past few months have been to do verbal wellness checks on my husband more times than either of us probably think is necessary. I also assume that he'd rather not be alone anymore when I get home from work, so I approach him like our kids did when they were small with a lot of questions as to whether he'd like to play a game, go for a walk, take a bike ride, or go to Target. I was trying not to read my books or write my little blog posts because I wanted to appear eager to engage. 

WHY? Well now here is where we take things to another level beyond grocery store produce section banter. 

I'm good because I am upright and have people in my world who bring me love and joy (so maybe I'm actually great).

I am warm because this summer has brought above-normal temperatures and my body is igniting from within with hot flashes. Basically, at any point, I feel like I am walking a mere two degrees away from bursting into flames.

I am anxious, despite my anti-anxiety meds and my reluctance to increase the dose (which we can talk about another time), because I occasionally catch a news story, my husband has been out of work and searching for new employment for six months now and ... seriously, do I need to conjure more? 

Tired? Is anybody not? My pompoms are wearing down to straggly ribbons.

And hungry? I mean I could eat a cookie or some chips ... ooooh, or a donut.

Well that was a loaded question, that you didn't acually ask, so how's about we wrap things up here for today?