Sunday, February 3, 2013

You are all winners (and a GIVEAWAY)!

I was just watching a little ESPN with my son. I watched very little, and actually determined that unloading the dishwasher would be a more fulfilling experience. I appreciate the effort that it must take to find over twenty-four hours of talking points about the Super Bowl, and the end of the football season in general, that seem like actual news. After listening to some hoopla about how this year's Hall of Fame inductees nearly walked on water, granted across a football field, the topic moved on to the winner of best comeback of the year. Have no fear, the runner up won something as well to indicate just how valuable his performance was. This got me to thinking...(so early on a Sunday). As we all concern ourselves with winning (or not winning) Mother of the Year, if for nothing else than the swag that certainly accompanies the title, there really should be more categories.

Even the Hall of Fame celebrates more than one player a year with a coach thrown in for good measure, (unless it is for baseball where sometimes nobody is deemed good enough). Perhaps that is why my certificate never arrived last year...there were NONE given out...inconceivable! I think the more likely reason for my lackluster mailbox offerings, and award dinner invitations, has more to do with a shortage of divisions. When I extended my vision to the world of entertainment beyond sports, I realized that not only are there more kinds of folks being celebrated, but also more governing bodies doing the bestowing.

Obviously the Mother-of-the-Year for the ten and under category, as voted by children, may not be the same person as the one chosen by her peers. The Frozen Food Association of American probably has different voting criteria than the Culinary Institute of America does. The Association for American Wineries (maybe there is one of those) might have different considerations when casting their votes than the Dairy Council (or even whoever the Rumchata and hard liquor producers align themselves with). Some consideration should probably be given to awarding all mothers of teens and toddlers with those lovely participation ribbons, because, really? 

I guess this leads me to some suggestions for how we can broaden the scope of the elusive Mother-of-the-Year award:
  • Best actress in a comedy
  • Best actress in a drama (teenage girl or otherwise)
  • Most creative use of leftovers
  • Most effective punishment idea for any given crime against household rules
  • Best Lego minifigure mystery bag feeler (a girl's gotta dream)
  • Best use of children's college fund
  • Cleanest clothing worn by a mother of toddlers
  • Most knowledge of all things construction and truck related
  • Most elaborate Polly Pocket and/or Barbie play scenario
  • Best singing voice, or at least demonstrated knowledge of the words to the songs
  • Most convincing house cleaning in under fifteen minutes
There are so many, many more! Certainly you must have some ideas? Let me know what award you think you should be nominated for, and I shall send it to you...let's face it, it is not just an honor to be nominated...I want you to WIN!!!!!

Of course, there will be one grand prize! (I just have to decide on the category...which very well may be Best Number I Pull Out of a Hat.)
Yes, you could win this super fabulous book by the voices behind We Band of Mothers and Mothers of Brothers. Go ahead on let me know in comments what your category is.


  1. I'd definitely win for most convincing house cleaning in under fifteen minutes--I don't think I've ever cleaned anything for more than 15 minutes. And you would obviously win for best Lego minifigure mystery bag feeler!

  2. Best director (of the lives of her adult children, whether they need direction or not).

  3. How about for 'The most overused motherism, in a 1 hour time period.' The most common one being :

    Me: "How many times have I told you to pick your clothes off the floor?"

    Spawn: "42". :)

  4. Most creative use of alternate swear words?

    Thanks Andrea for promoting the book (AGAIN!) 2nd edition coming out next week on Amazon!!

  5. I like the Most Creative Use of Colorful Metaphors category, but I think I could totally rock the house cleaning one. Just don't look in the closet. Or under the couch. Or go upstairs...

  6. Just call me the enforcer because I can dole out the punishment in the most creative of ways......

    My oldest will probably need therapy for this one:

    Shanley was in sixth grade, and she kept (deliberately) forgetting to take her antibiotic for strep throat. :/ I gave her two warnings, and I told her there would be DIRE consequences if she failed to take it.

    So I went to her school during lunch, (6th grade, middle school!!!) and went into the lunchroom with her medicine and a spoon and made her stand up and I fed it to her. Yep! She was mortified. But she remembered to take it and was compliant. Yes she was.

    ....and there are more..... Mua ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha *very evil grin*

  7. My favorite is definitely "Most effective punishment idea for any given crime against household rules"

  8. I like the best singing voice or at least demonstrated knowledge to the words of a song. On more than one occasion I've found myself not only listening to BUT singing along with my daughters Rapunzel's Tangled cd....and this is when I'm alone in the car. Damn kids listen to it so much i know all the words!

  9. I would win for "Most Likely to Have Bizarre Items in the Oven." (Which may be a subcategory of "Most Convincing House Cleaning".) It's really a great place to throw those last stray socks, colouring books, and naked Barbies. Because, really, what kind of nosy person would open your oven? You just have to remember to ALWAYS CHECK before you start dinner. Melted Barbies smell like crap. :\

  10. Best actress in a dramatic role while feigning interest and enthusiasm as my short people blather on and on about all things Pokemon until I want to gouge my eardrums out with a rusty spork.

    1. Damn that Pikachu! Gotta catch 'em all (uh oh, maybe I actually WAS interested for all of those award for me there, it's all yours!)

  11. I do well in lots of these categories, but I did buy a new washer and dryer with the college fund money. They were really expensive and fancy, but I justified it by the fact that I was mostly washing my filthy little cherubs clothing in them and I deserved to do it in the best possible machines. After all, a huge part of my life is spent in front of them!
    Oh, and then we took a family trip for 2 weeks to California with "borrowed" money from the college fund. That pretty much drained that account. I mean face it, there was really never going to be enough money in it to pay for college anyway.

  12. Best actress in a comedy

    Could there even be anything else???