Friday, June 6, 2014

It's Friday...what's this thing called?

It's here! The first day of our new series. Marianne and I have thrown around a lot of ideas for names, and at this point we should just be thankful we didn't try to name a child together. I imagine at some point my children will pick out of a bowl to see which of her children will get to draw the lucky series name out of a hat. Enough about this one point of indecision, and on with the next. 

Which letter was I to post first...The one with the highest reward? The one I thought was funniest? The one Marianne thought was funniest? The first one I actually mailed? I dug deep and decided to start at the beginning. Hanes was the first company I chose to scribble some thoughts on, and here is the letter that I actually sent out back in January.



Dear Hanes,

In my never-ending, yet half-hearted, quest to support myself properly, I converted my bra straps so that they criss-cross. The concept was not unfamiliar to me; however, the elaborate cats cradle design I was looking at rendered me nearly helpless to actually put the item on myself. After almost strangling myself due to some strap length factors I had not considered, I was actually one small step closer to being able to wear a more fitted shirt with some confidence. Thank goodness I do not have to go into crisis mode when it comes to the rest of my undergarments, by which I really just mean underwear.  I have to pause here for a few seconds while I let the Underoo commercial theme song play out in my head.

I have been a loyal wearer of your 'wears for over ten years. Your low-cut cotton undergarments even saw me through both of my pregnancies, saving me a bundle of money and a shred of dignity by not having to have giant parachutes spinning around in my dryer. Our relationship is exclusive on my end, butt I realize you comfort other women, and I can accept that.

I understand that there are women out there who pay top dollar for what they may consider sexy panties. I personally have a hard time feeling sexy while dealing with a wedgie. Thanks to Hanes cotton "wedgie free" undies, I don't have to worry that my undergarments will stray.  I don’t even have to be concerned with the mazes of shiny racks, and instead can just direct myself to the economical multipacks of size 6 comfy cotton, with the red and white label. Luckily for me, this does not mean that I have to be a granny pants kind of gal. I am just a sensible wedgie-free girl who occasionally does feel a little wild. I am talking bikini brief or lo-cut kind of wild, and maybe even a package of prints.

I am a creature of habit, so I buy Hanes underwear for everyone in our house (adding two men’s mediums and one girls’ sixteen to the mix), minus the dog. (OK, that might have gone without saying, but you’ve seen what some people do to their pets.) Laundry day around here could be a fine beginning to a commercial for Hanes products, since there are socks in the midst as well. Unfortunately, on most of those days it dissolves quickly into a bad reality show when the wayward clean clothing has such trouble finding its way to where it belongs.

One of the “Hers” from Hanes Her Way,

Andrea

Marianne assured me that this was the kind of letter she had in mind. I now realize that she is a brilliant strategist, as the results from this letter were...nada, zero, zilch! Well played, Walshie! Zero points for me. Now let's go see who Marianne wrote to, shall we? 

17 comments:

  1. I'm still not counting Hanes down & out for you. I'm thinking they are hand sewing you some new undies at this very moment.

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    1. They are probably sending someone after my bra measurements too. A well-fitting bra would be so worth the wait!

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  2. I don't see how they could ignore this gushing! I still say you probably sent it to the wrong department. Otherwise, you'd be lousy with undies right now.

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    1. And what a fine way to be lousy!!

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  3. That was a great letter. Maybe Hanes is trying to decide how to reward such fine writing???

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    1. Or are trying to decide if they need to send a team of people to fit me for a bra when they bring the underwear!

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  4. OK what do the wedgie free undies packages look like? Cause I absolutely hate my current grundies b/c they ride up all the time. I don't know how people wear thongs.

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    1. Looks like regular packages, but has a wedgie free "banner"

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  5. " I am just a sensible wedgie-free girl " LMAO

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  6. I give you ten points for that letter because it amused me.

    Love,
    Janie

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  7. Double points for creativity and humor! I bet if you sent them cookies, the Hanes truck would show up at your door with a delivery.

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  8. Hanes is a hard one.
    That's like a mega corporation and mega corporations don't have a sense of humor.
    At all.

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  9. Next time, I'm playing! (Hanes is local. They have cut back on their workforce tremendously, There probably isn't a person to answer letters any more.

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  10. Ok, GREAT letter. I love the Hanes undies too. But I'm seriously starting to get concerned with your bra issues. Like really, are they torpedo shaped or what??

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  11. How could they not respond to that? My guess is they got rid of whoever looks at their mail and it goes in the same garbage as faxes. Because if even one person in that organization opened that letter, you would have, at the very least, been sent a box of their new experimental "extra-granny panties, now with even larger butt coverage and sex repellent". You know they're engineering those.

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  12. Boo Hanes! What a bunch of losers. And I beg to differ on the wedgie thing. I'm wearing wedgies today and they're quite comfortable. They have a lovely rope heel and black leather straps over the top part of my foot thing.

    Maybe you're just not wearing yours properly.

    -andi

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  13. I can't believe they didn't write back! Maybe it's because you don't buy Hanes for the dog.

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