Sunday, March 11, 2012

Looking for a reaction

My mind has been racing lately. There was nothing particularly stressful about any one single thing, but the cocktail everything made when stirred together made me doubt my ability to form any one complete rational thought. This did not prevent me from trying to carry on a variety of conversations over the course of the week though.

Please note that it is nearly impossible for a person to concentrate right now because the husband is making such a spectacle of the hoops game his college alma mater is currently winning. I hope they don't call for donations this evening, as I fear how much he would write the check out for in his celebratory fog. I would consider relocating to another room, but trust me the volume of the clapping, pounding on furniture and general shouting is inescapable. In this cacophony, it is amusing to consider how much time I spent this week contemplating the possible meanings behind the blank stare responses I have been getting. Obviously I should've tried dribbling a ball through the kitchen while seeking assistance.

I saw one blank stare this week that I am pretty sure should be classified as the "Possum (that is an opossum with an identity crisis) Defense". This was a situation in which husband thought that if he played dead, the perceived predator would just leave him alone and keep right on walking. To be fair, I think I had just asked for some help with something he was not interested in. To be even more fair, I think my phrasing might have indicated that I was taking an offensive position. Here, maybe you can judge this one for yourself (or commence blank stare):

Help. I asked for some help. People don't just always write books alone you know? Haven't you ever read those acknowledgement pages? You know the ones where they thank the people who helped? Well, I am not going to thank you.

I grew up being told that the issue wasn't necessarily what I had said, but the tone of voice I chose to say it in. Reflecting back on my announcement here, I am not sure there is any tone of voice that would've kept a possum upright.

The is another blank stare that we could call "In case of fire". Under these circumstances, the man here is mentally consulting the safety chart of how to diffuse certain types of kitchen fires. Will the addition of words be like water on a grease fire acting as an accelerant? Where the heck is the fire extinguisher, or can I just throw a lid or wet blanket on her? Earlier this week, the husband went out on a limb with the dousing technique he employed:

I walked over to the computer desk to finish up a blog post I had been working on to find one of his fabulous Peggle games in progress. I calmly asked if he had closed out of what I was working on, and he began laughing...really hard...tear forming laughter. When he finally composed himself, he responded that he had. Well played, as my confusion over his response won out over any hostility. Plus, he had just finished an hour on the elliptical (and no, again did not wear my pedometer), so I was concerned that he was having some sort of weird exercise-induced hallucination.

The least effective blank stare around here is the "Who is she talking to?" Unfortunately, this is becoming the most commonly used, especially since he has two trainees who are quick studies. Seriously, if all three of them are sitting in the same room, and only four of us live here, who else might I be talking to? Yes, someone had the nerve to guess it was the dog...who was using his "For crying out loud I am a dog" blank stare.

The last type of blank stare, I have identified this week, happens when my typically melodious voice suffers some sort of audio distortion. The result must sound like the droning buzz of a bee, which then elicits the "Just ignore it and it will go away". Sometimes this is paired with several quiet steps in the opposite direction.

Hey! You, yes you! Are your eyes glazing over? Just the glare from the computer? Oh, okay.


20 comments:

  1. A stare is at least some sort of acknowledgement that you have spoken. The people in my house evidently have some sort of hearing disorder in which the sound of my voice does not register at all.

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    1. Wait a second...the blank stare is often not in my direction...at all! Lol, thanks for visiting-wanted to let you know that I noticed you were here! :)

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  2. I am laughing WITH you, honest!

    My husband got me my own computer so I wouldn't kill him for destroying my blog posts. But I have no answer for the blank stares, mostly because that is my normal, everyday look.

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    1. If you say so, but I am not sure that I was laughing! ;)

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  3. OMG, you crack me up Girl!

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  4. I think your hubby has gone mad. I get nothing but blank stares and pee on the seat around here as well. Hang in there!

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    1. Ah yes, the infamous and mysterious pee on the seat that "nobody" got there!

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  5. My daughter recently began working in a customer service job where I work. Last week a co-worker happened to overhear her on a call with an angry customer. He told me, "She's a natural! That customer yelled at her forever and she kept her composure and didn't get upset at all!" That is when I realized that I left my mark on her. I told my co-worker, "I've been training her for years. I can yell at her for hours and her eyes glaze over and she just nods and says things like, "I understand" and "okay" or "right" to pacify me. She's a pro."

    That glazed over look is SO common in our house. I'm starting to get it too!

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    1. If I could learn it we'd be better off!

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  6. I want to know why he was laughing. I didn't get the joke.

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    1. I have no idea why he was laughing so hard. I think it might have just been about how the three of them just randomly swipe whatever electronic device I am trying to use. Maybe he was amused that he shows no better manners than the 11 year old. Like I said, complete confusion replaced annoyance!

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  7. I often get the, "Wait. What? Were you talking to me?" That is often met later with, "Ummmm, no. I'm not feeling it tonight."

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    1. "in fact, the rest of the week isn't looking good either" hee hee hee

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  8. No, I was paying attention to everything you said! Honest. What did you say? Um, well, there was something about basketball . . . and then there was a dog. Am I close?

    See, my hubs is sneaky. He acts like he's not listening and is completely ignoring me, and then when I get all mad and ask what I said, he repeats it back verbatim. He is a sneaky bastard that one.

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    1. Oh they can barely come up with what general topic I was discussing here, let alone what I actually said about it! That is sneaky though!

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  9. My mind is often racing too. especially at 3 am.

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  10. *blink* *blink*

    "I am not going to thank you." HA! Love it.

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