Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Random wears

We interrupt this post (that we didn't even start yet) to bring you the latest in Barnswallow News. Yes, they're back. My attempts this morning to prevent further visitation did not foil their efforts! (Double groan…one for them sitting in the space I did not cover and two for the bad pun!) Eek! I had to try to secure the whole perimeter. I took a break to explain to the newer neighbors what I was doing with the ladder and the foil and the yelling. It helped that I was getting swooped upon while telling my tale from our walkway. At least they don't think I am completely crazy.

See him there getting foiled...
Here are two of them having a meeting to discuss alternate ways to take me out...
Here is a little video so you can hear how terrified I sound angry they are…
And then they moved where they thought I couldn't see them could poop on my head if I left the porch.
There is still much squawking and diving-style flying going on out there. I suppose you are wondering what role Fozzie is playing in this wildlife extravaganza? Really? Do you really think he has mustered up any ambition to develop his role in tactical defense? Perhaps I should give you this reminder of how he rolls…
Speaking of Foz, he claims he was outvoted on his pick for my Mother's Day present...
…thank goodness!

Let's move on with our originally scheduled topic for today's random, shall we? (Yes, I know, it pretty much seems like we have enough going on here already to call it a wrap, but we are still working off the April backlog.)

I was texting with a friend and shared this magazine ad that was in front of me...
The name is so subtle. I said I would not go to the website. Absolutely not! Aaaaaaaand...boom, there I was!
Did you take your time reading that list to let it all sink in? Girl shorts = shiny depends? Which celebrities? I am going to need names here. My friend and I pondered the doubling as shapewear and "ecofriendly". What does "ecofriendly" even mean in this scenario? Machine washable? I hope so. Just for the record, if you ever see me reeling from a certain special time of the month, I can almost assure you that it is not a hug that I need.

As I got back to the magazine that assaulted me with flo-pants, I landed on this gem - the "hold-all bra".
Now I can barely find a bra that conducts the holding business I expect from a decent undergarment, so I do not need one that functions as a backpack. My iphone in my bra...when I exercise? There goes the "don't get it wet" road to a voided warranty. I think there is an identity crisis going on here as well, as it is allegedly for workouts, yet found at travelbra. Where am I going? I have visions of my already cranky exercising self getting jabbed repeatedly by my credit cards and hotel keys (as if I was exercising on vacation to begin with)...no, just no.

16 comments:

  1. I have no barnswallows here this year, and I'm upset about it. Send yours to me. I miss them!

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    1. One swoop and some superglue poop and you might be over it! ;)

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  2. Why didn't I get period panties for Mothers Day?
    I feel so cheated.
    Get it?
    Cheated?
    I need to go to bed.

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    1. And you certainly need a hug, right?

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  3. Can't. Stop. Laughing. Where do you find these gems?????

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    1. Let's see...the two women's items were in a magazine that let's just say is NOT Very Complicated... ;)

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  4. the birds will win somehow. And OMG - too funny. I did like your comment - exercise on vacation?? Hello,....NO

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  5. We've tried everything against these little critters, I understand that Goo-Gone is a possibility. Now they have the nest already built, so we won't destroy it until the eggs hatch.

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    1. Goo gone!!!!! Well that wouldn't even show up and make the prch look crazy...how could that work?!?!?! Hahahahahha

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  6. Didn't you ever see that old Hitchcock movie........don't piss off the birds!!

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  7. Machine washable? Do they recommend you swirl them around the toilet bowl to get most of it out first? I don't know about you, but I certainly don't want that in my washing machine. Even Phil cleans his shart stripes before they go in the laundry...

    -andi

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  8. *Smiles. Too funny with the period helpers and bra pockets for everything. Wow. The things people come up with. And I'm so sorry about your bird problem. They looked very, very mad. Mad birds scare me. We have a few birds that nest under our deck and awning but it hasn't been that big of a problem. Bats, however, yes. A huge problem for me. Every summer a couple of bats come and roost under our front porch and poop all day long on my porch. I have tried everything to get rid of them. My biggest fear is they will get into my attic. Bats in the attic? Never a good thing. Good luck with those pesky birds.

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    1. BATS!!!! (shudder) Ask google what to do as that is who told us about the tin foil!

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