I need to have a serious talk with myself about what sorts of goals I would like to see achieved, or even attempted, by this body I inhabit. If I don't recognize yesterday as the kick in the pants it should be, then I am truly hopeless.
I had a babysitting gig for a five year old little guy for most of the morning. When I arrived at his house, his father told me the place was a mess and suggested I leave, indicating that a bag with snack and such was already packed. I was really getting the sense that he meant for us to leave...pronto. A couple of things to note:
1) I am also their cleaning lady on Fridays.
2) It was 8:15 in the morning...seriously, where were we going?
He then mentioned that I could drop his son off to him at work after 11:30. A couple of things to note:
1) Seriously, where were we going to kill three hours?
2) His place of employment is the preschool classroom I worked in two years ago that gave me all sorts of anxiety filled and unfuzzy feelings.
My little friend seemed to be looking for something on the floor, so I picked up most of the playroom before dad had even left. We then went to look for something else in the living room, that was mostly clutter free (from the floor's perspective) by 8:40. We decided to just play, as he really seemed to be enjoying himself.
At 11:30, we left for the drop-off. On the ride over I started to realize the reality that I was going to have to face the uber-woman at preschool, along with who knows how many other former coworkers! Shit! I did not have time to conjure up a decent storyline for myself. No time to call in the spin-doctors to make what I have done with myself in the two years since leaving that job seem full of merit.
**Note: I do not think the uber-woman sets out to judge. She is just so self-confident and comfortable in her own skin, and good at what she does that someone like me is rendered a helpless babbling idiot.**
After the little guy knocked on the closed classroom door, I could hear his father on the other side acknowledging the sounds. I took a deep breath. After smiling at his dad I looked over at a young woman I had never seen before. the next person to come into view was someone else I had never seen before. I felt socially awkward. In the next second father was walking towards me sort of backing me out of the door and closing it part way behind him. His son started to protest from the classroom, but dad pulled a wad of cash out of his pocket to settle up from the babysitting and two past weeks of housecleaning. Seriously? Right there? Right then? In the hall? I didn't deliver crack, I dropped off his child. My own awkward vibes started to commingle with his apparently awkward vibes, mixed with confusion over what on earth he felt awkward about. (Or had my ability to read people just completely collapsed?) He just handed me a bunch of bills and said we could work out later if he was ahead or behind. Then it all just felt so shady. All I could think was "What the f*ck am I doing?" I did not have henchmen with me, as I am not a loan shark either!
The classroom door closed, and I was just minutes from ducking past the two women at the front desk and into the safety of my car.
Then I saw a familiar friendly face...and she asked me if I had a vacuum cleaner..."yes, two"...because hers had died. A couple of things to note:
1) She is one of those really talented people who is also amazing at her job.
2) She had called me in to vacuum her whole house over the summer as she got ready to host a big family party.
She said she might call me again if she didn't get a new one soon. Great. Maybe we could meet in an alley for me to pick up my pay.
In more chin lifting news, I reached my latest goal of 75 followers today. I guess to celebrate I move the mark to 100?