Thursday, October 23, 2014

45

Today I get to do what I want. I arranged my week so that today was free. I tried to keep the house tidy all week so that today I would not find myself in complete squalor. It is quiet in the house, as everyone else has left for the day. I have been sitting on the couch for over thirty minutes now...because I can. Without the distraction of clutter, I can really focus on just how distracted I actually am.

I have ideas for things I would like to do, but they seem to get a bit tangled in the notions of things I ought to do. I am on a stationary bicycle, peddling like a lunatic and getting nowhere, but at least I am getting some exercise. If my wheels were to hit the ground, I'd be unstoppable! Luckily I'd have the capes for some wind resistance. Make no mistake, the issue is not necessarily how many things I actually have to do, but rather all of the things I can think about that have to be done. 

College applications for my son are not technically my responsibility to complete, but they are looming out there in the wind with the college visits and part-time job quests (yes, you should wear pants for an interview my son) and several other things I have probably not even stopped to consider. I just sort of stand nearby waving a butterfly net trying to catch what I can, afraid if I look away something gigantic will get past me. There is no question that my vision is flawed. I am fully aware that thinking about things does not get them done any more so than putting something in a file called "to be done at a later date" means it will never happen.

Today is for me, and I am trying to make my sole responsibility to appreciate and enjoy my life. I am freeing my hands from grasping at straws, and instead will fill them with peanut m&ms. Yes, today I will eat more than my fair share of candy in the name of joy...and will be sure to save some for tomorrow when I will go back to eating it out of stress.

Happy Birthday to me, and thank you for being part of my incredible life!

10 comments:

  1. Hope you can shut that overactive brain off for a bit today, lady. And find some time to relax and enjoy. You deserve it!! Happy day to you. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Happy Birthday!!!!! :D My 50th is on Thanksgiving Day and I've already decreed that since it's MY day, we are not making the rounds to everyone's homes to say Hi. My mom is disappointed but I told her we will celebrate the following day. I just want one damn Thanksgiving/bday at home, alone, with my new husband without having to see everyone. This was why I loved living out west; no familial holiday obligations!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Well, DANG, girl! Happy birthday to you! My wish for you is for you to enjoy a boatload of heavenly nothingness. I agree, a little me-time is the best gift ever. I've missed your musings! You are exactly what I need to bring me out of da funk! You Rock! Happy Birthday!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank you for spending some of your "me" time with your grandmother & me today, it was lovely and as always a "hoot". Love you to pieces, Mom.

    ReplyDelete
  5. HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVELY LADY! Leave some peanut m&ms (my favourites) for the rest of us.
    Btw, what is this 'quiet' that you speak of?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Happy Birthday! There's not really anything to add to that except I'm sorry for adding that I shouldn't add to that.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Eat some of those M&Ms today for me!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Happy Birthday! Although I am late reading this post, tonight I will honor you and your special day by eating copius amounts of candy and junk food.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Happy belated!!! You beat me to 45, but not by much. I'll see you there in about 6 months!! Hope you have a great day!

    -andi

    ReplyDelete