One could assume that I haven't blogged in so long because I've been working on a topic of epic proportions...a veritable tome. In part, the truth is more along the lines of not being amused, or intrigued even, by any one topic in particular, to the extent that I could write a few sentences. Then, there was some question (to myself) as to whether the post even needed to be funny or incredibly insightful. There was the paralyzed by guilt phase...caught up in the delusion that fives of people were unable to function in their daily lives without knowing how I was occupying my time. There was also the full scale rant that carried the potential to offend people if put in writing (and while I was mighty steamed, I wasn't sure that the fire needed gasoline). The last hurdle was how to just jump back in, so...cowabungaaaaaaaa.....(splash) I was at WalMart...this is not an ordinary scene because...I...hate...WalMart. This was no supercenter either, just one of the final stores to go unsuperfied, left in a land time forgot. I know the products I saw there can be found in any of the finer upscale store (um, like Target), but somehow seeing these things on big W's shelves cracked me up more. Check out this carpet cleaner that will "permanently remove" spots! This is good news indeed, as I can treat the whole room and not anticipate ever needing to clean again. How foolish the people who bought any of the surrounding cleaning supplies must feel. Their spots are destined to come right back. I know I'd rather clean a rug and have it stay as such, as opposed to being revisited by the same scummy spots a week or two later. "Boo hiss" to the producers of the "momentarily removes" spots potion! In an unrelated matter, two aisles over, I passed a display of these fashionable nuggets. A case of these and three packages of the tiniest wife-beater t-shirts on the market, and my son would've been one hot ticket baby! I didn't see any khakis for fancier occasions. When the time arises for a parent to want their little one to go pants- (or I guess shorts-) less, is the absence of a cool design really going to hold them back? I didn't check to see what sizes these glamour don'ts came in. Perhaps I should have, considering all of the money I could save by not buying shorts. I hope my husband doesn't think that if he finds boxers that look like denim, he can go without bottoms...even around the house. Had to tear myself away from the cases of these, apparently non-seasonal items (to the sounds of my friend insisting that I would've bought at least one package of these to try when my kids were babies...I LIKE to think not!). Moving on to the land of tiny cheesy plastics molded and painted into the most desirable pieces of crap that every girl from ages three and up has ever laid eyes on. From the great big eyes of the Littlest Pets and Polly Pocket's seemingly uncomfortable rubber clothing to My Little Pony's wild flowing mane...we've loved them all! This year's inductees to the wall of delights include a fabulous array of choking hazards in the likes of: tiny little clear plastic balls that hold tinier plastic wonders to be worn as bracelets or fabulous rings, and little mixed up figures that combine items (like a pretzel and a butterfly) because who doesn't need that creative spark? OK, so we own some of those too, I'm not proud.
Now I love Strawberry Shortcake and all of her delightful baked good friends, BUT...what the hell is this? Stinkberry Alien? (Can you see the claw on the left closing in on them?) The purple one looks like it spent too much time with Violet in Wonka's factory. Also notice the clip, so that the ugliness of these characters can proudly be displayed on one's coat or backpack!
Well, if this post has accomplished nothing else, it has hopefully gotten me back in a groove, and has kept me from stuffing my face for the past however long. Plus, due to the upright nature of my typing position, I have spent a little more time awake on a very dreary and nap-worthy day...wait, I am not certain that is a good thing...the couch is calling me (it was hard to hear over the muffled conversations of various snack cupboard items!)