Saturday, May 15, 2010

I need to get something off my chest!

A couple of years ago I decided that wearing an ill-fitting bra was no good. (Yes, I had to actually "decide" that...put real thought into it!) I dreaded the bra shopping experience as much, if not more, than the bathing suit shopping outing. Swimsuits do not involve a gray haired woman named Marge (or the like) laying hands on me with a tape measure. It must have been a very bad day that I truly could not find anything better to do than to attempt to rectify my "cup runneth over" situation.

I tried on over 24 bras in the course of two days...and bought none! The associate who helped on the first day showed some empathy and helped me keep my sense of humor. On day two when I asked if there might be something my size that didn't look so ugly and old-lady like, I did not make a new friend in that store's sales associate. Seriously though, some of those alleged full-figure bras are just a code name for "old lady bras". There was certainly enough spandex there to lift parts back up to the torso that may have drifted down to the waistline. Not what I had in mind to boost the ego of my already feeling unsexy self! I was told that my cup size was not in alignment with my going around the body, ok, so where exactly does that put me? I'll tell you where...right back home in my ill-fitting bra.
Then, I saw in Real Simple magazine that Target got a big shout out for their bras, so I went and got one. It did fit great, for a day, until the underwire became a sideways wire that threatened to do some harm. I also tried my luck in Victoria Secret since I had been told they'd expanded their line to accommodate ill-proportioned people. That bra fit great too, until I bent over...and fell out the top. I tried another one from Macy's, but after a day in a red sweater, I had to have my husband return the slightly pinkish item. Why him, instead of me? Who the heck was going to argue with a poor man trying to return a bra?

I went to visit family a couple of weeks later...still slightly traumatized by my events. They came to the rescue!!! We went to the bra emporium at Lord & Taylor (it did make our local L&T look like a roadside shack). I tried on several more (with the added bonus of an audience). Lo and behold, there was ONE (seriously) that the tune of over $50. Of course I started to debate in my head just HOW bad my current situation was. My step-mother, knowing what voices were in my head, whisked the bra off to the register and treated me!

So, I've made do for eighteen months with my one fabulous bra. I've dug in the drawer for backup a few times when I got a little crazy and tried to exercise. I thought I was having a hard time breathing because I had overdone it on the elliptical, but realized it was just the corset I was wearing that was restricting air intake. In addition to the physical issues, the sports bras do not necessarily provide optimum appearance value with their large square uniboob look. And as wonderful as the fit of my one good bra is for ordinary life, the day I went for a little jog with my daughter, was the day I learned that NOBODY over a c-cup should spontaneously burst into a jog...ouch!

I got my first bra at ten years old...I think that one fit! In assessing my daughter's physique, I realized that it was time to put something between her and the cute little cotton t-shirts she wears. We now have a fine assortment of camis, tanks, half camis, pseudo sports bras, and almost bras. She said the almost bra was too tight, but since I didn't witness the trying on, who really knows?! It occurred to me later that I neglected to tell her that they are not necessarily supposed to be comfortable!

While I was at Target assessing options for her, I decided to let myself peruse what offerings they had for a gal like me. That would be...none. I even went to the full-figure section where you could choose your support preference. Really? Shouldn't everyone be choosing maximum support? Please tell me it isn't just me who has seen women I've wanted to go adjust bra straps for...bring the girls up where they belong! Not resting on someone's stomach with the threat of growing moss underneath. Anyway, there were three choices including moderate support and superior support. However, none were going to offer me ANY support, as my freak of nature size was NOT an option. I made sure to check every corner of the department, and then realized I might be better off in the duct tape and/or ace bandage aisle. Suffice to say, that the outing ended with me eating a blueberry scone to drown my sorrows...Afterall, if I gain two inches around, I'll be able to easily find a bra!

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