It's fine. I'm fine. Everything is fine.

"How are you?" You've asked that more times than you can count, with varying levels of concern about the answer. How many times a day, when you've actually braved leaving the house, are you asked the same? 

I'm not sure if we should count the number of times someone says "What's up?" and we answer "Good!" Often I find myself on a slight delay with my response as I spin the wheel of current situations I'm in, despite knowing full well that I am going to say something positive, or at the very least a positive adjacent, despite sarcastic, "Living the dream!"

This is not to suggest that I am embarking on a campaign to stop friendly banter. Instead, this is a warning that I'm about to tell you how, and maybe even why and what, I am.

HOW? I'm trying! Or wait, is that WHAT I'm doing? In the grand scheme of things, I'm good. I guess I am a few other things too - warm, anxious, tired and more likely than not, hungry.

WHAT? I am trying. Trying to do the things ... taking the walks, drinking the water, eating the protein, talking to whatever poor souls are within earshot, volunteering and spending time with the people who bring me joy. I am also cheerleading as the self-appointed one woman pep squad in this house. It seemed like we needed one and I saw no other names on the sign-up sheet. 

I take this role seriously. My main objectives for the past few months have been to do verbal wellness checks on my husband more times than either of us probably think is necessary. I also assume that he'd rather not be alone anymore when I get home from work, so I approach him like our kids did when they were small with a lot of questions as to whether he'd like to play a game, go for a walk, take a bike ride, or go to Target. I was trying not to read my books or write my little blog posts because I wanted to appear eager to engage. 

WHY? Well now here is where we take things to another level beyond grocery store produce section banter. 

I'm good because I am upright and have people in my world who bring me love and joy (so maybe I'm actually great).

I am warm because this summer has brought above-normal temperatures and my body is igniting from within with hot flashes. Basically, at any point, I feel like I am walking a mere two degrees away from bursting into flames.

I am anxious, despite my anti-anxiety meds and my reluctance to increase the dose (which we can talk about another time), because I occasionally catch a news story, my husband has been out of work and searching for new employment for six months now and ... seriously, do I need to conjure more? 

Tired? Is anybody not? My pompoms are wearing down to straggly ribbons.

And hungry? I mean I could eat a cookie or some chips ... ooooh, or a donut.

Well that was a loaded question, that you didn't acually ask, so how's about we wrap things up here for today?

You better shop around

"Try to get yourself a bargain girl, don't you be sold on the very first one!" Okay, so before I could even get started, I've distracted myself! I was trying to come up with a title, then I started singing, then I thought you might like singing, and then I remembered that Toni and Daryl were not the original singers. I wonderd if that would bother you to hear their version; however, I simply could not deny my prepubescent love for them and how quikcly it floods back! I looked at a variety of videos, but for the number of hours I spent staring at this album cover, while holding the lyric sheet in my hands, longing for the day I would meet my own Captain, it had to be this. Obviously, then I had to pause for a moment of silence after seeing the muskrat love in their eyes as I was reminded that they split up! Basically, it's been a journey and I haven't even gotten started yet!

So a friend of mine and I were trying to decide what to do with ourselves the other day. There was a risk of melting if we ignored the heat advisory, so we knew we should plan to seek solace in the well conditioned air of somewhere. I am not exactly sure why we were so jammed up about constructing a plan, as we know how fast we can go off the rails and I also know one of my favorite things for us to do together is nothing in particular. I had a return to do at Target, so that is where we unleashed ourselves first. I have walked into Target before, made a return and walked right back out, but those are sad days. 

Maybe I was still feeling the effects of the heat when I strayed too close and lingered too long near a sports bra. She caught me. I heard myself saying I actually needed a sports bra as the gravitational pull led us deeper into a department of the store my daily mental health walk might not give me adequate reason to be in. She suggested a fitting room once my gaze had landed on a particular nylon/spandex blend. I refused, as that was far too much effort for something that would let me down and be ill-fitting anyway. 

Did somebody say "sporty"?

I want to act like the most troubling part of this next one is my belly showing...

...or that I almost had to go find a pair of cheaters to be able to do the hook and eye meant for initial harnessing before getting to the zipper. Oh, that zipper...

...it was no ordinary zipper - very temperamental when not engaged properly to start. So there I was, in the athletic department of Target, not even in good enough shape to effectively wrestle myself out of a bra. 

The best kind of friendships, in my opinion, are the ones where a friend takes some video footage before helping. I mean that sincerely. I was fairly certain I was going to have to do a next level walk of shame to the register and just buy the damn thing. Luckily, with two more hands, who had put their phone away, we were able to scooch that beast on down, but not without it catching on the phone in my back pocket and nearly taking my shorts with it!

I bought the black bra for $30 if you must know, but then we went to Marshall's. I suffered a bit of defeat in the everyday bra selections, not aided at all by the fact that we truly cannot figure out what size I should pretend fits. I found a two pack of bras, similar to the one I had already purchased, for $17. I really would pay more money for a decent fit, but am so used to being let down (pardon the pun) that I always look for the bargain option. My friend talked me into using a dressing room where I was puzzled to find that not only were the two bras hooked to each other, but the one's straps were tethered to the hanger! How on earth was I to Houdini my way into that situation? I had no choice but to break some plastic, and they live in my closet now anyway. Sorry, Bullseye for yet another return, but I'm sure you've still come out way ahead!